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I want to try everything…

…when I can’t even identify what I really want.

I-love-you-forever-and-ever love.

Love-and-hate love.

I-hate-you-the-most-go-away love.



And it’s magic when you got to feel all these with the same person, over and over again. 


The I-love-you-forever love.

The Love-Hate kind of love.

The I-hate-you-the-most love.

*edit some parts here*

What does it feels like? How does it feels like? When does it feels like? Where does it feels like? To whom does it feels like? 

I am always telling myself, I will forever trust GOD about this thing; that someday I would be able to meet this guy (or probably met him already and some spark idk will just happen). 

But sometimes, I would think to myself, “How long do I have to wait?” 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a person who desperately seeks love and who lacks love. In fact, I feel loved, by people around me, by my family (not by my father though, loljk), by my friends. And yes, I love them too. But loving someone, of opposite sex/gender, that’s what I don’t know to feel.

Well, maybe I just forgot  how to? Maybe it was a looonng looong time since I felt that feeling. Or maybe I just didn’t even feel that at all. That genuine feeling. What does it feel? Tell me. 

I know, I know you got to love yourself first, well, after God, I mean, before you can love somebody. And yes, I have come to love myself, in spite and despite (but sometimes still don’t like a thing or two or three or four, yes I’m dysfunctional and all, I know, and that’s part of ‘loving me is hard’ thing) of everything. 

Others will tell, “It’s hard to explain”, or something like “love is unexplainable”, or “love has no reasons”. Okay, okay I get it, but how does it feel?? Again others will answer, “butterflies in your stomach”, “rambling thoughts”, “light feeling”, etc etc.

WHUUUUUUTT? HOW TO LOVE. WHAT IS LOVE. “Kilig” is different from love, that is what I’m sure of. 

Oh, when will I feel you? I know, in God’s perfect time, that what I was always telling myself, and I trust that.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I’M NUMB.

(and even the K-Idols can’t change that)

This is one of the questions I often get from interviewers as of the two interviews I’ve been with. 

My general answer would be:

"I took up Psychology because I want to learn about human behavior. I want to know the reasons behind their actions. I want to understand where are their behaviors coming from."

It sounds okay. Well, for me, at least. But I can feel something’s lacking. For some reason, there’s no essence or passion or something that naturally and effortlessly came from the heart. It was just plain words and phrases to utter in front of an interviewer who needs an answer and words and phrases to utter of an applicant desperately wanting to get a job once and for all.  

But, maybe certainly, there are reasons behind taking up and being on that course.  And, it has always been my mantra ever since I came to know and realize that I wasn’t fully engaged with studying Psychology. Sure, it was fun learning about people’s behavior and understanding that all attitudes and behavior came from something. But, it was not satisfying or fulfilling. It was just ‘okay’. My grades will tell you so, if you could see it. I will always have that tres mark on some of my majors, and never an uno (well, except for OJTs which is not ).  Thinking that some of my blockmates are not into this course also makes me feel comfortable/at home with these dudes and gals with same dilemma as I do. 

And when I said reasons, I may not know all of them, but for sure I knew one thing: meeting awesome persons that will always be part of me, of who I am now, of my heart. Persons who believed in me; persons who made me laugh and cry; persons I shared my obsession and happiness with; persons who knew me better than I do; persons who helped me get through all those years; persons who kept me sane; persons I shared my secret with (and so did they); persons who educated me a thing or two about life; persons who taught me lessons beyond the barriers of classrooms; persons who shared me some words of wisdom; persons who assured me it’s gonna be okay when I needed it the most; persons who tried to understand me and who understood me; persons who clearly survived my crazy and quite moody nature; persons who love me (and whom I love, always will) in spite and despite all the challenges, joys, heartaches, through good and bad vibes.

You know who you are peeps. :) Specially, when you, of all friends I have, know that I have this Tumblr blog. (Specially you three! :p You A, A, and ate E) When you’re reading this long post, (wow, you’re pretty curious! and you really did read ah! HAHA!) I want to thank you, for wasting your time reading this, for wasting your time on me, for knowing (and/or reading) my pity life’s story. 

I am and always will be thankful to the Almighty One for giving me people like you, specially like you. I may not always say it, I may not always show it, I may not be expressive about it, but ILOVEYOUFRIENDS. :D

*nyao, lalim eh noh, tinanong lang naman kung bakit Psych ang napiling course HAHAHAHAHAHA*

To the intelligent; to the beautiful; to the kindest; to the talented; to the sexy; to the creative; to the passionate; to the dreamer; to the doer; to the clever; to the imaginative; to someone who’s got ear for good music; to the dancer; to the singer; to the writer; to someone who’s into sports; to the career-woman; to someone who’s good in cooking and/or baking…

To those women who’s perfect and to those who’s not perfect but made up their minds to pursue greater things, I will never win, because I’m neither.

Even when I depart this world, there would be memories that would always be with me; memories I shared with people who had taken a part here in my heart.

You know who you are, peeps, reading this or not. ;) I always say this often or sometimes not at all but… ILOVEYOU ALL. <3

Let’s make more ‘inseparable memories’, ayt?

I don’t know if it’s just the weather or me, but I’m still not really in the mood of finding a job. 

I’m supposed to be studying, but I can’t…I just cannot…with you… Doojoon… ㅠ__ㅠ

So, major bida ka pala sa Iris 2, kala ko extra lang or one of the agents na may little side story. Pero sheeet… not. 

Di ka naman kagalingan um-acting pero shet…Ano ‘to… </3 

BTW. Medj kamukha ni Lee Da Hae dito si Gayoon, pati ngiti. So, I’m guessing dun mo kinukuha ang emotion, Doojoon, aminin. Ohohohohooo~

ALL MY FEELS IN THIS VIDEO. 

Such an inevitable part of life. Neither a friend nor a foe. Depends.

Si Precious at Daboy di nakapasa on both choices. 

Ako ‘Passed’ sa Psychology at ‘Waiting List’ sa ECE. 

Kala ko galing ko eh…

Ehhh…narealize kong nagreview center pala ako nung summer ng 3rd year…

Paano kung hindi?

Hindi. Hindi natural ung naisagot ko dun. Dala lang ng review center. 

Di ata talaga pang-UST ‘tong IQ ko. 

FAIL. Again. Always. 

…you are you not meant for crawling, so don’t.

You have wings. Learn to use them and fly. You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings.

Somehow this made me smile for the day. I was…born with potential?  I was…born with goodness and trust? I was…born with greatness?

Well, everybody were, I guess. But I haven’t heard (well in this case, read) this statement, specifically directed to me, for quite a long time, or since.

Silly girl, knowing that this is some kind of Facebook app that was meant to make you feel good by sending you some random phrases like this one. But still…this made me smile…somehow…